


Dark Diamond

by foreverinprinxietyhell



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Accidental Kissing, Angst, Anti-Depressants, Comforting, Concerned Boyfriend, Confessions, Consoling, Flashbacks, Getting Help, Hidden Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Self Harm Scars, Self-Loathing, Setting Boundaries, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Trust Issues, Undecided Relationship(s), reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 06:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12030408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinprinxietyhell/pseuds/foreverinprinxietyhell
Summary: Spent all my life trying to get it rightI've put it together and it falls apartI thought to myself I might understandBut when the wall's builtAnd the heart hardensYou get a dark diamond-Dark Diamond by Elton John





	Dark Diamond

Barely brushing their lips together proved to be too much for the slightly younger male as he turned and bolted out the door, which did not bode well with the other who was already an insecure mess. During the challenge that led up to this moment, Brian had an initial gut feeling that the happening would not end well; he had spent countless years imagining their first kiss, but his counterpart did not seem to enjoy being on the receiving end even if it was on accident.   
“  
Was it something I did?” he asked while watching as Joe started to jog after the man out of worry, bushy brow cocked in confusion as he turned to the only remaining member of the group, “Must be serious if Joey’s running.”

“It is, Q…” 

“Whatdya mean by that?” 

“It’s not really my place to tell.”

“He’s not homophobic, is he?” 

“You saw the excitement in his face when I asked that unhealthy fat bastard who lives and dies by pastries out.” 

“Then what could it be?” 

“Just… Be supportive.” 

Perplexed by such a suggestion the oldest member walked down a narrow corridor in search of the two whom had abandoned ship without warning when he reached a partially opened door where sharp sobs echoed against white plaster walls. Immediate instincts told him to barge in even though fear froze him in place when there was no obvious reason except for a hushed voice repeating in an endless loop: ‘Brian isn’t like that, hon, he would never hurt you.’ 

A feeling of foreboding swooped down like a winged predator as those words were interpreted at face value as the scene was taken in; a balding head poked out from the crook of a slightly bent shoulder, half-lidded red rimmed eyes staring past him without focusing at first when a soft squeak alerted of the added presence. An air of awkwardness attacked, yet a diamond patterned carpet was padded along until he reached where the two were gathered on a charcoal loveseat, “Mind if I join you?” 

“Of course, hon,” Joseph answered, trying to slowly scoot over to accommodate for the extra person, “In fact, would you mind watching out for our friend? Gotta check on my boo thang, you know how clingy he can get.” 

“Typical Sal… Gotta love ‘im.” 

“You’re telling me, and I’m the one about to marry that fine piece of ass.” 

Chortling out a stream of air through nostrils, Brian traded places in order for bent knees to bump together despite tension still tainting the silent atmosphere. After inadvertently breaching unspoken boundaries the oldest member eased a hand onto the other’s covered thigh to overlap a smaller appendage warmly, flashing a toothy grin that produced a weaker smile as a shaky shudder shook through his thin frame.

“Let me apologize,” Murray began in a shaky voice once he relaxed against a familiar rugged form, a deep trace of scarlet coloring usually pale, clean-shaven cheeks as the right words were searched for to use, “You didn’t do anything to deserve that reaction…”

“I’m not gonna press you for details, but if you wanna dish ‘em out, I’m all ears.”

“Promise you won’t judge?”

“’Course I won’t, I’m here for you.” 

Breathing out a sigh of relief the balding man folded in on himself in order to press closer for added comfort; there was a noticeable amount of pent up anxiety in every uncontrollable twitch that caused a sky blue gaze to peer around cautiously. Soothing the sensitive soul with long strokes to an upper arm, Q waited patiently for composure to be completely gained, “I don’t know where to begin.” 

“Ease into it. If you decide that it’d be better not to talk about it all at once, I won’t blame you.” 

“Well, it started during my freshman year of college when Joe and I were living together, I was getting comfortable with my sexuality.” 

“I’m proud of you for that.” 

“I met a guy in one of my general education classes and we started secretly dating,” Murr mentioned before inhaling deeply, reaching for a half-empty plastic water bottle that must have been offered after bursting bawls subsided, “I was young and in love, but it was far from a happily ever after. At first, it did not seem concerning, but Seth acted differently all of a sudden…” 

“Shit, Murray, did he… Did he hurt you?” 

“Forced himself on me multiple times from rough kisses to blow jobs. He didn’t fully take advantage until I tried ending our relationship by… By trying to take my own life.” 

“Bud…” 

“Every attempt only gained me more punishment, but I-I wanted so badly to die, wanted so badly for it to be over.” 

“What happened that finally got him to go away?” 

“Joe walked in on accident, which I can only imagine was hell for him,” he tried to say in a joking manner that only brought a fresh wave of liquid feelings to trail down an already tear-stained face, “I dunno how he managed to keep calm, yet he pulled us apart before that Italian temper of his showed through.” 

“Did he land any punches?” 

“So many that his knuckles were bleeding by the end of the ordeal.”

“Damn, Joey doesn’t do that for just anyone…” 

“You’re telling me… He managed to calm down long enough to tend to my wounds, helped me get dressed before we went over to Sal’s for a few days under the guise of our rooms being renovated.” 

“So, he has no idea?” 

“Probably just assumptions at this point, I dunno.” 

“I’m so sorry, hon, if I’d known I wouldn’t have tried to kiss you earlier…” 

“I didn’t mind that part, I just panicked… It’s silly, it’s been seven years since then and I still have these fuckin’ nervous breakdowns.” 

“You’re still learning to cope,” Brian reasoned reassuringly, foreheads resting together since no other form of physical contact seemed appropriate unless otherwise stated, “It’s not silly, okay? You have every right to still feel haunted by that asshole.” 

‘I don’t want to be though, I want it to be over!”

“I know, sugar, if I could take it from you I’d do it in a heartbeat.” 

“R-Really?” 

“Without a doubt, no one as sweet as you deserves to live with such a burden.” 

“It’s mine to bear though.” 

“Not alone, that is, if you want a partner who’ll stay by your side.” 

“You always have, yet I’d like the reassurance of having you closer,” the younger one admitted with a slightly uncertain smirk, “Ya know, I’d like to feel your lips longer than fifteen seconds.”

“I’ve already triggered you enough…” 

“You won’t this time, I’ve gotten passed the initial reaction.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“I am, please? I’ve always wanted to be pecked on the neck, but alas I’ve never had the pleasure.” 

“Allow me to do the honors,” Q delicately declared before bending down to light press plush pink between a taut neck and cocked collarbone that soon softened at such affection, voice vibrating in small tremors in order to make sure that no movement unnerved him any further, “How does that feel, sweetheart?” 

Tears threatened to spill over a lashed threshold when a burning sensation started to build, but he managed to contain those liquid emotions as topazes were stared into once Murr got the courage to lift up in the embrace and press into softened lips to let a little vulnerability be shown, “Better.” 

“That’s a relief… Forget the labels if need be, but I like you more than anyone I’ve ever been with. Let's focus on making you a hundred percent and then we’ll see where we go from there.”

“Will you still stay with me, please?”

“How could I say no?” he asked as another soft smooch pressed along a slender jawline, unable to help a smile from spreading as a small palm cupped his cheek, twining their fingers together when faded pink scars were noticed. Stroking the abraised area, a small gasp was startling him until permission was given with pleading eyes for those fingertips to continue petting the afflicted skin, “I’m sorry you felt like this was your only option.”

“Didn’t think I deserved to be saved. Sometimes I still think I deserve these wounds.” 

“You don’t!” Brian exclaimed suddenly, catching them both off guard as an apologetic look was offered for the uncontrollable outburst, “You deserve so much better, baby boy.”

“Do I?” 

“Yes, let me prove it to you.” 

That conversation seemed so far away compared to the three months spent together as an unofficial couple, but every single day was still a struggle for both men. Doing everything humanly possible to make living an easier experience, the two decided to start living in a shared home with added benefits of having three felines that were able to calm down reasonable reactions when no other available option worked. 

Upon returning from a much needed shower, Q carefully climbed into bed beside the man who had dosed off while a black and white cat curled into a tight ball on his chest. Chuckling softly, he leaned over to press twin pecks to their foreheads before pulling his partner into a protective one-armed embrace just as sapphire irises fluttered open to assess the surroundings, heart stuttering with an edge of adrenaline as he was pushed away. 

“Murray, it’s me.” 

“No, go away!” he exclaimed, blinded by fear as hitched breath began to drag out in short intervals while he drew knees up into a slender middle to muffle cries, “Please, don’t… I’ll be good, I promise, please…” 

“I didn’t do anything, hon.” 

“I don’t believe you!” 

Temple crumpled in a mixture of confusion and concern, Brian scooped up the two year old pet from where she sat at the mattresses edge, cooing softly to reassure the two that there would not be any funny business while he gathered more items that would help soothe the shattered soul trying with every ounce of energy to be put back into place. Returning with a glass of water and a medium, white and orange pill, a shirt was taken from the other’s side of the closet since a steadily growing pile of laundry remained untouched in a far corner and pulled over with a fluid motion that ruffled drying curls, which got a small ounce of recognition from the affected man when their eyes met for an instant. 

“B-Bri, what happened?” 

“I’ll explain while you take your meds,” he mused seriously, handing over the cup while watching to make sure it was swallowed since there had been a few instances where it was subtly spit out to only be noticed hours later, “Think you had a flashback, I may have been the trigger…” 

“Whatdya mean?” Murr asked as another sip of the clear liquid went down his throat when a realization came, cheeks paling even lighter than their natural shade, “I woke up to someone shirtless, you looked sweaty…” 

“Shit, I’m sorry… You must’ve thought you were back with _him_ ,” the older one concluded, hesitating as he pulled the other into a covered lap and stroked small circles into the nape of a hunched neck, “It’s okay, I’m here. Not gonna let any baddies get you, neither will Brooklyn.”

“You must be tired of having to put up with this, I was making such good progress too!” 

“Shh, don’t be so hard on yourself, I’m not gonna leave. I’m proud of how far you’ve gotten, as should you be, so why would I get fed up when you’ve only had a little setback?” 

“I don’t want to be a bother…” 

“You aren’t, you wanna know why?” 

“Yes please.”

“’Cos I love you, and I’m willing to do whatever possible to get you healthier. You’re allowed to keep grieving over what happened, it was a horrible event.” 

“I was helpless and hopeless.” 

“You don’t have to be anymore, you have control again.” 

Diverting his eyes down to the splotchy furred pet, James was distracted by tiny tremors coming from her as soft strokes were given down to the base of a wiry tail while the right words were searched for in order to get exact emotions across without sounding like he was feeling sorry for himself, “Sometimes it feels silly, I should’ve moved on now that I have you here.” 

“Well, healing takes time, ya know? Can’t force it to go faster than it will,” Q stated, grinning when he felt the other start to snuggle closer to him again, “It was just a thought, a nasty one at that, and that’s all. Wanna know why?” 

“You’re here, and I trust you.” 

“Exactly, and would I let anything bad happen?” 

“Nuh uh,” he sounded in a scratchy throat, tensed muscles relaxing enough for him to melt into the protective arm that had been left earlier, “You’re my big, strong Quinny who’ll always be my anchor.” 

“Without a doubt, my love. Are you ready to go to bed?” 

“In a little bit, I wanna cuddle some more to make up for pushing you away.” 

“Who would I be to deny such a request?” 

It had been difficult, no doubt, but reassurance returned a wavering will of sanity to where it belonged beside the man whom was dedicated enough to help battle such demons. A jewel fueled by fire had been extinguished long ago, but being in such a welcoming presence of a former best friend turned lover began to stoke the last remaining embers so close to being snuffed out, heated pressure built inside finally finding solace instead of hardening into a dark diamond that would permanently reside within a sensitive soul rightfully returning to redemption.


End file.
